sga_episodefic

I’ve blogged for basically my entire adult life.

LiveJournal, Tumblr, WordPress, here. There’s something about having a corner of the internet that’s mine - a space that isn’t a feed, isn’t an algorithm, isn’t speeding past at a thousand miles an hour. I miss that.

Lately, I’ve mostly been posting on Tumblr about tennis. And I love talking about tennis, but it’s started to feel like that’s all I do.

I go to work, I watch matches, I read. Sometimes I write. Sometimes I stare at the same three WIPs and hope they move. I’ve been telling myself that doesn’t leave me with much to say. But maybe that’s not true. Or maybe it doesn’t matter.

So: I’m coming back to Dreamwidth. I want this to be a quieter space. A bit rambly. A bit nostalgic. More fandom and life and writing and less “keeping up.”

I’m really hoping the new sunshine_revival community will help with that too - it feels exciting, like something gentle and welcoming is starting to grow again. I’m looking forward to seeing what the prompts will be.

I also need to figure out commenting again. I overthink it. I draft something and delete it and worry it sounds weird or too much or not enough. But I want to try. I miss the part where we actually talked to each other.

What you’ll probably find here:

snippets from whatever fic I’m poking at (shifter AU, packfic, omegaverse feelings, etc)
trope talk and character rambling
soft lifestyle things: what’s comforting me lately, little rituals, sensory joys
maybe playlists or screenshot dumps or prompt games
and the occasional “three things that got me through this week” kind of post

I’m aiming for 2–3 posts a week for now. Nothing fancy, just enough to make this feel like a living space again. If you’re here: hi. I’m glad you are.

Here’s to slow internet, quiet posting, and the kind of connection that doesn’t need to be loud to be real.

We are coming up to the point in the year where I usually post a warning that we are coming into the two weeks of the year where I get very excited about the sportsball...

...except, I don't know if you've noticed at all over the last year...

... but I haven't exactly *stopped* being very excited about the sportsball. At All.

I keep most of my squee and ramblings to my tennisblr but you can absolutely feel free to come friend me over there, should you wish to experience the full impact.

So. Um. FORZA JANNIK! 🧡🎾🦊😁

Current Mood: excited

I finished the first of my dust bunnies. Having a deadline helped. And I didn't do this alone.

cassiope25 was a huge help both in encouragement and beta duties. I also have to give a special nod to

em_kellesvig for solving an editing question.

Even if McShep Regency Sentinel Guide stories aren't your jam you should click on the link just to see the gorgeous artwork she made for it.

Or check it out Here

The Right Match

This is the story I wanted to be able to give an explicit rating. Couldn't get the muse to cooperate, dang it.

Maybe the next one....

As it turns out, watching Meet the Press while drinking a glass of rosé enables much unladylike swearing and specific finger gestures. (all justified)

I should probably turn off the tv.

You know how you always hear that healthcare in this country is a postcode lottery? Yeah you don't realise how true that is until you move postcodes

So as y'all know I've been having joint issues since I was a teenager, had surgery for a tracking issue on my right knee, and knew that I had 'asymmetry between the ilia and the orientation of the acetabulum' and that my left leg was shorter than the other. I understood that my pelvis was wonky, basically.

But Devon, despite being the ones who completely fucking missed it all when I was a kid, are making up for it now, and I have a full report with a few different things going on. Some of it I expected, and some of it was new to me.

🦴 The Summary (In Doctor Speak):

Mild degenerative changes in both hips (early osteoarthritis)

Subchondral sclerosis (thickening of bone under worn cartilage)

Narrowing of joint spaces

Bony lipping and overcoverage of the femoral heads (impingement)

Asymmetry between the two sides of my pelvis and hip sockets

A projection (a kind of bony overgrowth) from the top of both hip sockets

Mild degenerative changes in the right knee, with some tendon-related inflammation

🧠 What That Actually Means:

In plain English: my hips are wearing down a bit - not dramatically, but enough to show changes on imaging. There’s less cushioning cartilage, and the bone underneath is reacting by thickening. There are also bony overgrowths, and my hip sockets are shaped in a way that is putting extra stress on the joint.

That asymmetry between the two sides of my pelvis and the “extended projection” from my hips sockets means I’ve had an unusual joint structure for a long time and has grown extra bone to balance it out...

The right knee is joining the party too, with some inflammation where tendons anchor into bone. Delightful.

🧭 So What Now?

I have an invitation to a 'long-term condition care planning' appointment where I find out what happens next. I've been in chronic pain for like 30 years and I didn't even know 'long-term condition care' was a thing until now.

The doctor's report says the arthritis is 'mild' in terms of x-ray severity but as anyone with chronic pain knows, “mild” on paper doesn’t always match what your body feels.

Next steps will probably include:

Physio, to keep everything moving and reduce pain
Maybe pain meds or topical treatments
Watching how things evolve and deciding whether more imaging is needed (like MRI) to get a clearer picture, especially around the hip structure

💬 How I’m Feeling:
Honestly, it's a lot. I'm tired. I'm frustrated and angry. But there's a lot of relief. There's a name for it. There is actually something wrong. It's not been in my head since I was a teenager. Knowing there's a structural reason for what I'm feeling, for the pain I've been in for so long, for how I struggle to move, for my day-to-day experiences for decades.

And I have a Li who can advocate for me when I can't do it myself. I've spent so many years not being listened to, to being brushed aside - but Li is helping me ask for the support I need, speaking up for me, for being incredibly clear to medical professionals that this is not something we're happy for me to have to just live with any more without further investigation. She's the one who insisted on the x-rays when we saw the doctor last month for the pain and stiffness and got the bursitis diagnosis.

So now we have the start of some answers an

Current Mood: angry
Current Music: Coldplay - In My Place

Watch on YouTube

An oldy but goody

( You're about to view content that the journal owner has advised should be viewed with discretion. )

My most played song last week was “Love Story (Taylor’s Version)” by Taylor Swift, and frankly? The drama was earned.

Watch on YouTube

There’s something about that swelling orchestration, that breathless key change, that full-tilt declaration of "It's a love story, baby just say yes". Apparently, I needed to relive every intense teenage emotion I’ve ever had—on repeat.
42 plays. Zero regrets.

It’s the kind of song that makes you believe in running through the rain for someone. The kind of song that pairs well with being emotionally obliterated by… oh I don’t know… a tennis schedule that shows zero respect for your wellbeing.

Because let’s talk about Tuesday.
Let’s talk about Queen’s and Halle.
Let’s talk about how the tournament schedulers clearly do not care about me personally.

Behold:

13:30 – Ben “Sunshine” Shelton (Queen’s)
14:30 – Jannik Sinner (Halle)
15:00 – Carlos Alcaraz vs Foki (Queen’s)
15:00 – Vavassori/Bolelli doubles (Halle)

That’s four must-watch matches in the span of ninety minutes, across two tournaments.
How am I supposed to choose between Carlos chaos, Jannik precision, Foki flair, Italian doubles magic, and the serve-and-smile energy that is Ben Shelton?

The answer is: I can't.
There will be tabs. There will be streams. There will be suffering.

So this week’s Music Monday theme is tragic love - the love I have for tennis, and the tragic way it betrays me with schedule overlaps that feel like personal slights. Taylor understood. I feel like Juliet on the battlements, except instead of Verona, I’m in front of three screens whispering “baby just say yes” to all of them.

Happy Music Monday. I’ll be horizontal, emotionally shredded, and trying to stream four matches at once.

[Edit to add:]

I regret to inform you that the scheduling chaos is even worse than previously reported.

Over in Berlin, Sara Errani/Jasmine Paolini are also playing at 13:30, which now overlaps with Ben Shelton. And then at 15:00, Diana Shnaider is playing as well—at the exact same time as Alcaraz v Foki and the Italian doubles team.

So to recap, my updated Tuesday viewing choices include:

Ben Shelton (Queen’s)
Sara Errani / Jasmine Paolini (Berlin)
Jannik Sinner (Halle)
Carlos Alcaraz v Foki (Queen’s)
Vavassori / Bolelli (Queen’s)
Diana Shnaider (Berlin)

I’ve gone from mildly overwhelmed to actively oppressed.
I am but one gay with a playlist and a dream. This is scheduling violence.

There are many shades of suggestive.

Explicit...well now, some work is a little more explicit than others.

( NSFW )

My current WIP is turning out barely suggestive and I'd really really like to have at least one explicit scene.

I can't get the characters to cooperate. *sigh* Has that ever happened to you? Or maybe the reverse? You meant to write a gen story but the characters insisted on getting naked? (Yes, that has happened to me too) Damn characters just seem to take over.

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reclaiming my space (again)

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The Right Match (Stargate Atlantis) teen and up

today's news....

A Hip & Knee Update

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Alone, but Not Unwanted - Stargate Atlantis (PG)

Music Monday: Love Story (Taylor’s Version) and the Scheduling Nonsense That Ruined My Life

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